We’re all so different. My strengths may be your weaknesses and vice versa. I’m quite an introvert you may be an extrovert. But one thing we all have in common, unfortunately, none of us are perfect. I spent a lot of my teenage years trying my best to be what I deemed as “perfect” but I was ultimately striving for the impossible. I’m slowly learning to embrace my flaws. We all have them yet sometimes accepting them is a huge a challenge. I’ve written quite a personal account on flaws I’ve battled with and some I definitely still battle with, perhaps some you may relate too and hopefully this may change your perception on them.
- My fairytale perception of relationships
From Beauty and the beast to A Cinderella story, I always thought my relationship had to be perfect. Flowers at the front door with a note, being treated like a queen 24/7 and kisses in the pouring rain ( the list goes on) I have discovered is not the reality. In fact the relationship in which I see as forever started with a simple iMessage “do u wanna go to the gym.” Not quite the rain and flowers scene I had pictured, not even a “x” at the end.
But seriously, my issue with having “the perfect relationship” ultimately led me to doubt the one I was in. That it wasn’t good enough if it wasn’t like the one I’d pictured through rose coloured glasses. But once reality hit I realised no relationship will ever be perfect. Disagreement is healthy, comparing yourself to other people’s relationships is pointless and actually a relationship without all the flounce and frippery is lot more fun.
2. My strive for perfection
Speaking of perfect, my own strive for personal perfection has previously made me incredibly miserable. Even in school I felt the need to present myself in a certain way to meet expectations about the way I thought people wanted me to look. The obsession for perfection left me feeling lost and actually very alone. I wasn’t being myself and I realised that really no one is perfect. Since letting go of being that ideal person that was impossible for me to reach, I feel so much more in tune with my real self, I’ll wear what I want to wear, that dimple in my left ass cheek will never disappear and actually the people who love me in the imperfect state I am are all that matter.
3. My inability to control my emotions
I am suuuuper sensitive. I feel emotions so deeply I struggle to dig myself out of them most of the time. I’ll cry of happiness and of sadness, I so appreciate people that make me laugh so hard I can’t breathe and I love listening to extremely happy songs, extremely sad songs, basically any song that will make me feel some sort of emotion you’ll hear me belting out loud in the shower.
However I do get to the point where my emotions are so strong they no longer remain in my control. I have mood swings and really bad days which of course we’re all allowed to have along side the excellent ones. I’m sure you can relate. But sometimes my moods have too tighter hold of me and I struggle to separate myself from them until the next day or even a few days later, and however supportive the people around me are, of course, it affects them too and I’m then left with the guilt but I still struggle to shift my mood. I’m still trying to control this a lot better and is something I really need to work hard on.
4. Admitting I’m wrong
Although sensitive, I can be incredibly stubborn. I hate being wrong, and I’ll stand up for what I believe in without backing down. And if you don’t back down well then we’re in a situation because no, I’m not wrong you are. Got it? Great. ( I’m also quite regularly wrong.)
I won’t say sorry easily because I’m always right. Joking. Of course a lot of the time I’m wrong but it takes me a while to come round to the idea. I struggle to say sorry. Of course if I really did something accidental to hurt somebody I would apologise. But sometimes sorry can be said so often it takes away the meaning of a true apology. “You’ve said sorry before so how I do know that you mean it this time” is something my mum used to say a lot as my stubbornness has clearly been a characteristic of mine since 1998 (I was queen of the backchat). This is something I take on board. Sorry is thrown around a lot so how does someone know it’s sincere?
It’s weird though, if I stomp on someone’s toe on the tube I’ll always apologise profusely in a state of panic. Strange. Anyway I’m learning to be a little less stubborn and admit I’m wrong straight away rather than a long silence afterwards but wow it’s difficult.
Accepting my flaws and trying my best work on them is harder than I thought however what we forget is a lot of flaws disguise themselves as strengths. Without my strive for perfection and stubbornness I wouldn’t be as strong minded. Without my sensitivity I wouldn’t have the kind heart I have which I pride myself on.
I’m trying to learn to love that dimple on my butt cheek and my strong legs, I love my strong mind but am accepting I could be a little less stubborn with it. I’m also utterly and completely in love with my life in a perfectly imperfect relationship (even when slamming the bedroom door purely for dramatic effect).
” Making Mistakes Is Better Than Faking Perfections”
OLIVIA SAPEY 